I Have Confidence In Sunshine...

Living fat all my life has been really difficult. Apart from the obvious health benefits, one of the main reasons I push so hard to ‘DROP IT’ is the mental or should I say emotional benefits I hoped to derive from the weight loss.

For the first time since I started seriously to work on my weight and seeing some benefits I had an amazing experience today that was a two edged sword – it both gladdened the cockles of my heart to no small extent, and was an amazing eye opener. It may seem like nothing to some people – but if like me you and have engaged in the battle of the bulge all your life you may just understand how I feel right now.

Today I actually walked into to a photo studio to take a picture – a passport photo yes, but the fact is I went to a studio! It was when I walked out after collecting my pictures that I realized what a big deal this was. I had walked in confidently, and heard not a word from my inner ‘Chuky’ (that’s what I call the devil on my shoulder telling me how fat and ugly I am and how I don’t measure up). That is HUGE for me – because my weight always made me feel really bad about myself and I tended to avoid a lot of places I felt were or would be or could be unfriendly to a big girl.

I can hear someone saying ‘oh Liz, it’s all in your head, people don’t ever make fat people feel bad or uncomfortable’ …and I answer – you’ve got to be kidding me right? Naïve much? I could tell you some horror stories, like the time:

• When I walked into a shop, and the skinny shop assistant headed me off at the door to tell me the shop did not stock items in my size…
• Or the time when to a fast food place to buy some pastries…and after giving the attendant my order I could almost see her roll her eyes at me. It was a big order though! [smile]
• Or the time I walked into the ‘man trap’ doors trying to gain entrance into a bank in Abuja, and the auto-voice thing said (loud enough for people inside and outside the bank to hear) “one person at a time please”. (Hand on my heart, this really happened) – this put me off banks in Nigeria for years!
• Or the time and times I’ve had to ask the flight attendant for a seatbelt extension because the standard seatbelt would not go round my hips/waist.   

I could go on….and I am sure other people like me can relate and share similar horror stories.

Back to my epiphany today, I did not feel so conspicuous today in the photo studio and I wonder why. Yes, I have lost some weight since I began this journey in January 2013, but has who I am – the real Liz changed much? No, I don’t think so. I still have two eyes, one nose, thunder thighs (giggle), two arms etc – a slimmer waist line yes, but basically the same person. So why on earth did I give people and things around me the permission to make me feel inferior. The main word is ‘feel’, I was never inferior – not ever! But I allowed myself ‘feel’ so. Because truth be told, I could have lived a rich and full life if I had just seen past my mirror and see the fullness of who God has created me to be – the gift in me to the world.

A word to you (yes, you on this journey to DROP IT FOR LIFE), you are amazing the way you are. Yes, you could be healthier when you drop a few pounds – but that does not remove from the fact that you are AMAZING NOW! You need to get used to it – get to your amazingness!

I’ve lost a lot of time feeling sorry for myself and inferior! Who knows I could go to another bank tomorrow and the ignorant inanimate man trap door will say I weigh too much to be scanned. I have purposed in my heart to laugh it off. I will not wait  to be my perfect size before I am decree myself happy! NO WAY! I will start from NOW, TODAY… I’ve made up my mind. Something is happening with me…what about you?

One last thing - if you have difficulties boosting your confidence why not try some of these affirmations that have worked for me...like:

• "Everyday in everyway, I am getting better and better by the grace of God."
• "In all things, and in everyway I am the best at what I do and among my peers"
• "No one can make me feel inferior without my permission"

Do you have any affirmations you use, and want to share?

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